About ten years ago, before that Mostest Excellentest Texas Blogger, Quotidian Grace (aka, Jody Harrington), took a sabbatical from
blogging for Grandma duties (a wonderful example of priority-setting and moral
stewardship), she sponsored a wonderful seasonal event on her blog:
As one who tied for second place in 2009 and received The
Country Music Wannabe Award (“… to Mac, who managed to send in lyrics that
mentioned killing pets, prison, Bubba, pardons, Momma and a train in the same
stanza! We are not worthy of such talent.”), I miss that ancient and
honorable tradition. [NOTE TO
LOVERS OF MOMMAS AND FUZZY CREATURES, in a tasteful pastel color: my lyrics were based on a theme from David
Allen Coe’s classic “You Never Even Called Me By My Name”, recognized far and
wide as the most perfect Country and Western song ever written.]
But, I digress.
In the immortal words of Alvin, Simon and Theodore, themselves pretty
good Christmas singers, “Let’s do
it again!”
Here are QG’s original rules, slightly updated:
Welcome
to QG's Fourth Annual Sappy Christmas Song Contest!
~applause
applause~
The
contest is inspired by the Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest and
its motto:"where w.w.w. means wretched writers welcome!"
Each
year my Gentle Readers are invited to contribute their own deathless lyrics in
a group effort to create the sappiest, most sentimental and generally execrable
Christmas Song of the year.
Here are the rules of the contest:
·
Mac
will post his beginning stanza. If your muse is with you, add a stanza or
lines of your own in the comments.
·
Mac
will post updates as the 2015 Sappy Christmas Song evolves and you may continue
adding verses in the comments.
·
When,
in the sole judgment of Mac, the Song seems complete, or I am tired of it, the
entire song will be posted and prizes will be awarded. The prizes will be
inspired by the contributions--so be creative!”
And....HERE'S THE FIRST STANZA:
The worst “No El” the announcer did say
Was to shoppers and tourists on Christmas Eve day.
On Christmas Eve day, their lists now complete.
As homeward they struggled, for cookies to eat.
"No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we’re running no El."
Was to shoppers and tourists on Christmas Eve day.
On Christmas Eve day, their lists now complete.
As homeward they struggled, for cookies to eat.
"No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we’re running no El."
4 comments:
In a subway car stranded down in the ground
A motley group of people were found.
A lawyer, a soldier and a stock trader
With a preacher, a teacher and a young hooker.
"No El!, No El! No El! No El!"
Subways are closing, we're running no El."
Thanks, Mac, for reviving the sappy song contest!
No cell phone service, the lawyer did cry,
The trader then fumed that no stocks he could buy.
They both commiserated each others position,
that neither could speak with their office's admin.
No El, No El, No El, No EL!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!
The Preacher got up, who's with me he said,
I'm exiting the car, gotta get me a sled.
My daughter's expecting it under the tree,
so I'm leaving this place, come on, come with me.
No El, No El, No El, No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!
The young hooker's name was Anna Marie
Her dress was so skimpy her tats you could see
She shivered in the cold which the soldier did see
And he gave her his scarf to cover her knees.
No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!
" We must get out of here", they all agreed
The soldier kicked down the door so all were freed.
Finding the subway exit in the dark
Would certainly not be a lark.
No El! No El! No El ! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running no El!
Down the street, in a house, the cats did not care.
Their antics had left the tree all but bare.
They decided to climb up the chimney with glee,
When they peered out the top, a strange crew they did see:
No El! No El! No El ! No El!
Subways are closing, they're running no El!
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