19 December 2015


About ten years ago, before that Mostest Excellentest Texas Blogger, Quotidian Grace (aka, Jody Harrington), took a sabbatical from blogging for Grandma duties (a wonderful example of priority-setting and moral stewardship), she sponsored a wonderful seasonal event on her blog: 

The Sappiest Christmas Song Contest.

As one who tied for second place in 2009 and received The Country Music Wannabe Award (“… to Mac, who managed to send in lyrics that mentioned killing pets, prison, Bubba, pardons, Momma and a train in the same stanza! We are not worthy of such talent.”), I miss that ancient and honorable tradition.  [NOTE TO LOVERS OF MOMMAS AND FUZZY CREATURES, in a tasteful pastel color: my lyrics were based on a theme from David Allen Coe’s classic “You Never Even Called Me By My Name”, recognized far and wide as the most perfect Country and Western song ever written.] 

But, I digress.  In the immortal words of Alvin, Simon and Theodore, themselves pretty good Christmas singers, “Let’s do it again!”
Here are QG’s original rules, slightly updated:

Welcome to QG's Fourth Annual Sappy Christmas Song Contest!

~applause applause~

The contest is inspired by the Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest and its motto:"where w.w.w. means wretched writers welcome!" 

Each year my Gentle Readers are invited to contribute their own deathless lyrics in a group effort to create the sappiest, most sentimental and generally execrable Christmas Song of the year.

Here are the rules of the contest:

·                  Mac will post his beginning stanza.   If your muse is with you, add a stanza or lines of your own in the comments.
·                  Mac will post updates as the 2015 Sappy Christmas Song evolves and you may continue adding verses in the comments.
·                  When, in the sole judgment of Mac, the Song seems complete, or I am tired of it, the entire song will be posted and prizes will be awarded. The prizes will be inspired by the contributions--so be creative!”

This year's Sappy Christmas Song will be sung to the tune of The First Noel.


The worst “No El” the announcer did say
Was to shoppers and tourists on Christmas Eve day.
On Christmas Eve day, their lists now complete.
As homeward they struggled, for cookies to eat.
"No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we’re running no El."


Jody Harrington said...

In a subway car stranded down in the ground
A motley group of people were found.
A lawyer, a soldier and a stock trader
With a preacher, a teacher and a young hooker.
"No El!, No El! No El! No El!"
Subways are closing, we're running no El."

Thanks, Mac, for reviving the sappy song contest!

Reformed Catholic said...

No cell phone service, the lawyer did cry,
The trader then fumed that no stocks he could buy.
They both commiserated each others position,
that neither could speak with their office's admin.
No El, No El, No El, No EL!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

The Preacher got up, who's with me he said,
I'm exiting the car, gotta get me a sled.
My daughter's expecting it under the tree,
so I'm leaving this place, come on, come with me.

No El, No El, No El, No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

Jody Harrington said...

The young hooker's name was Anna Marie
Her dress was so skimpy her tats you could see
She shivered in the cold which the soldier did see
And he gave her his scarf to cover her knees.
No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

" We must get out of here", they all agreed
The soldier kicked down the door so all were freed.
Finding the subway exit in the dark
Would certainly not be a lark.
No El! No El! No El ! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running no El!

Robin said...

Down the street, in a house, the cats did not care.
Their antics had left the tree all but bare.
They decided to climb up the chimney with glee,
When they peered out the top, a strange crew they did see:
No El! No El! No El ! No El!
Subways are closing, they're running no El!