23 May 2016

MEMORIAL DAY ADDRESS, 2016

MEMORIAL DAY ADDRESS, 2016
Parkesburg, Pennsylvania Memorial Day Parade and Observance 22 May 2016
Guest Speaker:  Michael R. McCarty, LtCol, USMC (ret)

I first want to thank you for allowing me the privilege of sharing this day with you.
I am a Marine. To my many friends in the Sister Services, I speak today mainly about Marines, your big brothers, because they are the men I have known and led, loved and cherished, for more than half a century. Take it as no mark of disrespect or lack of affection for any man or woman of any Service who has “seen the elephant.” I mean, I am forced to admit that the blood that flows in my veins is mostly Army, with a dash of Navy for seasoning.
I am a descendent of four veterans of the War for Independence, one from the War of 1812, three of the Civil War (in two generations—one a 12 year old drummer boy with Thomas at Chickamauga)-- and my Dad who was a Chief Pharmacists Mate, USN, who made five landings in the Pacific in WWII. I am the 11th combat veteran in that line, and my son, Lt Colonel Matt McCarty, USAF is the 12th. Two of the 12 were killed in action in the Civil War. (My prayer always is that the distinction of being combat veterans ends with us. But that is unlikely, for as the philosopher, Plato, wrote some 2500 years ago, “Only the dead have seen the end of war.”)
In his book, "Fix Bayonets!", Colonel John W. Thomason, USMC, wrote of his experiences as a Lieutenant of Marines at Belleau Wood during “The World War” (serving in what, some 50 years later, would be my battalion—1st Battalion, 5th Marines). He described an Embassy party he attended in Santiago de Chile seven years later where he met an Army Major of the General Staff who had also been in those woods in June1918.
The Major told him, “They looked fine, coming in there. Tall fellows, healthy and fit--they looked hard and competent. We watched you going in, through those little tired Frenchmen, and we all felt better. We knew something was going to happen…”.
It did! And sadly, in the next thirty days, the Brigade suffered 100 percent casualties, including over 1800 killed in action and another 9,000 wounded in action until it could be reported “Wood now US Marine Corps entirely.”
Recalling the conversation with the Army Major, Colonel Thomason continued:, “and we were silent, over Chilean wine, in a place on the South Pacific, thinking of those days and those men.”
Today, we mark the 150th Memorial Day remembrance. When I was a boy in northwest Missouri, my grandmother still referred to it as Decoration Day, appropriately enough because its foundation as a holiday came from the desire to place flowers on the graves of their honored dead by the Mothers, Wives, Sisters and Daughters, many of whom were also widows and orphans, of the of the fallen of the Civil War. Even now, nearly 70 years later, the fragrance of May lilacs and peonies take me back to our local cemetery, remembering the barked command “Firing Party, fire three volleys”, followed by my Dad playing taps on the battered old bugle of his Legion Post.
This is not a “happy” holiday. Commerce may have made it a day of sales and picnics and time off from work and school, playing on the shore or attending the release of the Summer’s new movies, but that is not its intent.
Rather, it is a sacred day, particularly so for a privileged few of us for whom some of the honored dead have names and faces and bring forth fond memories of “those men and those days.” It is a day when, in the words of a memorial stone on the campus of Illinois State University, we remember those who gave “all of their tomorrows for our today.”
In the intervening years since Thomason’s stories were written, we have had to begin numbering our wars: “The World War” became World War I after Pearl Harbor brought to us World War II. Next came Korea, followed by Vietnam, Gulf Wars I and II, and Afghanistan, as well as, in Thomason’s words, “scores of skirmishes in which a man can be killed as dead as ever was a chap in the Argonne”.
But the men (and now women) who have sacrificed their all remain the same: bone-tired but brave, resolute, funny, self-sacrificing, loyal, good-humored, … and above all, young. As the English poet Laurence Binyon wrote a century ago “They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old. Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun, and in the morning, we remember them.”
Every veteran here has names that are special to him or her. Call them Buddies or Shipmates, Mac or Ski or Fitz ……….
or Lucas and Zimmerman, Chip and Tews, Unfried and Phipps and Wandro....
they are forever young in our hearts. PFC Jimmy Phipps, the third youngest Marine to receive the Medal of Honor in Vietnam, will always be to me the skinny, grinning Marine who laughed at life and then willingly gave it up for two others on that hot Memorial Day 1969 in what we called “the Arizona Territory.”
No one who has served in combat would ever call it glorious. It is the dirty, deadly, discouraging business of going about the profession of violence, with a perseverance and acceptance that it may be our lot, in Jefferson’s words, to “water, from time to time, the tree of liberty with the blood of patriots”.
My late wife always told me “You were never young after you came home from Vietnam.” That may be one of the reasons that we cherish this day, for when we remember them, a part of us is still young with them.
So, we pause today to thank God for, in James Michener’s words, “men such as these,” who fought on to the very end, so that, as Lincoln reminded us at Gettysburg, “government of the PEOPLE, by the PEOPLE, and for the PEOPLE shall not perish from the earth.”
The ones we remember today—no matter in which Service they served or which uniform they proudly wore—Navy or Air Force Blue, Army Green or the Forest Green of the Marine Corps: each of them can claim the motto that we Marines first learned and absorbed into our DNA at Parris Island, San Diego, and Quantico. Each and every Soldier, Sailor, Airman, Coast Guardsman, and Marine who, for us the living, laid down his or her life on the altar of duty was, still is, and always will be ALWAYS faithful. May they rest in peace, these good and faithful servants.
Semper Fidelis.

14 May 2016

THE TRAGEDY OF AN IRRELEVANT PRESIDENT


One of my all-time favorite television series is The West Wing.  As anyone who watched it knows, the last season had an entirely different feel, as it covered the presidential race between the two contending successors of President Jed Bartlett.  Any time that the story returned to the White House, there was an undercurrent of frustration in the remaining, second-string staff and the President himself.  The source of that frustration was the increasing irrelevance of the incumbent president.

The inexplicably stupid decision of the Obama administration to take action on a non-problem that was sure to inflame the passions of the American people --the “school restroom letter” – reminded me of The West Wing.  This action seems to me to be an effort by one of the most arrogant administrations in history to force the spotlight back on President Obama.  He and his staff seem to be set on finding something –anything—to remake what will surely go down in history as a failed presidency.  A generation from now, when the first true historical analyses of the Obama presidency are written, I suspect that they will focus on the strange case of wasted opportunities to make real progress and a perverse concentration on non-problems that divided, rather than united the Nation.

President Obama’s first, and most important, two years in office were wasted on forcing down the throats of the American people a “health care” program that they neither needed nor wanted.  Millions were out of work and had been promised that the President would be laser focused on “Jobs, jobs, jobs!”  Instead, while unemployment continued to sky-rocket, he frittered away an opportunity to be a second FDR simply to satisfy the left-wing loonies of the Democrat Party.  That “Obamacare” is still disliked by more than half the electorate—a level that will undoubtedly increase when the major premium costs and the decrease in options hit in November of this year-- is the greatest evidence of Presidential hubris in action.

An abysmal second term in which unemployment was decreased by smoke and mirrors doctoring of the definitions of “unemployed” by the Labor Department and wages remained stagnant was focused instead on placating the most dangerous enemies facing this Nation since 1940.  The myth of the “Iran Deal” was written, probably with fingers crossed that the mushroom cloud would appear over an American city during some other President’s term, to paint the President as a great statesman.  Chamberlain probably had the same hope on his way back to London from his German effort.

And then, when all eyes were drawn to the 2016 race, the first in American history, in which both candidates each had a greater “unfavorable” than “favorable” rating, the President decided that the most important issue still facing the Nation was forcing the people to allow people of one gender to use restroom facilities of the other gender—and to use as the laboratory for this exercise in social engineering the Nation’s public schools.

“Why?” one asks.  Why do this and do this now?


I can only assume that it is one last effort to return the national focus to Barack Obama.  He cannot stand his impending irrelevance and will do anything, no matter how dangerous or outrageous, to stay in the spotlight until the bitter end.

24 March 2016

A SUPREME COURT NOMINEE WE CAN LIVE WITH


I have come to the conclusion that the prudent action for the Senate to take is to consent to the nomination of the Hon Merrick Garland to the United States Supreme Court.  My conclusion is purely pragmatic.

First, having read many of Judge Garland’s reported opinions, I believe that he is a judge’s judge.  That is, he tries assiduously to apply the law to the facts of the case before him.  In that regard, he is a judge of the same mold as the late Justice Scalia.  Are they philosophically different?  Sure, but that is not a disqualifying attribute, and I suggest that Judge Garland is more intellectually honest than either Justice Sotomayor or Justice Kagan.

Second, I suspect that if the Senate takes up the nomination, it will tie the Warren Wackos in knots.  We may see more Democrats than Republicans voting against the nomination.  Just read the comments from the left.  Intellectual , judicial and legal qualifications be damned—all they care about is putting on the Court a “woman of color,” someone who will increase the “diversity” of the Court.  As is usually the case of the left wing of the Democrat Party, all they care about is the portrait, not the qualifications.

Third, if Senator Clinton is elected, is there anyone who does not think that the first thing she will do is ask the President to withdraw Judge Garland’s nomination so that “the next President can make the nomination?”  Of course she will and the President will acquiesce.  And you can bet that she will pick some looney tunes leftist, probably from the Ninth Circuit—the most often reversed of the circuit courts.  If the Majority Leader lets that happen just to save face, he is not the citizen I always thought him to be.  He becomes just another Harry Reid!

Finally, it will stick a pin in the hypocritical rantings of the Democrat Party—the party that ignored the outstanding qualifications of Judge Robert Bork and scooped up the scurrilous Anita Hill in an attempt to destroy Justice Thomas. 

In fact, the Democrats have little use for the Constitution and have once again attempted to re-write it to fit their own ends.  Then Senator Biden argued in 1992 that the confirmation of a Justice should be delayed so that the “next President” (President Clinton, as it turned out) could make the nomination.  It is only now that he thinks an essentially lame duck President should make the call.  It leads me to suspect that a lot of Democrats are less than confident that Senator Clinton will be elected. 

Still, I am a conservative constitutionalist.  The Constitution makes no mention of how long the Senate may withhold a decision.  In fact, it does not set the size of the Court nor does it mandate any particular number of Associate Justices.  The ability of the Senate to forestall a presidential nomination is just one more of the checks and balances the Framers wrote into the Constitution to protect the States and the People from an imperial presidency. The whinings of the Democrats notwithstanding, there is nothing Constitutionally wrong with delay.  

However, it makes better sense to move forward on Judge Garland's appointment.  The threat issued by Senator McConnell has worked.  The President has nominated a centrist, to the chagrin of his own Party.  I urge the Senate to take up Judge Garland’s nomination and to consent thereto.

08 March 2016

THE TROUBLE WITH DEMOCRACY


I am a life-long Republican.  I have voted in every general election (State/Commonwealth and federal) as well as local, off-year, and primary elections since I reached the age of 22.  (I was 18 in 1964, but the 26th Amendment was not ratified until 1971.)  I have voted for only one Democrat for President—Jimmy Carter in 1976, to my undying regret and shame—although I have split my ticket in many other elections in order to vote for the person I thought best qualified.

And now, I find myself facing a moral quandary.  I hold the sovereign franchise in the highest esteem, especially because I have served with young men who, with their very lives, defended the right to vote although they themselves were not yet old enough to cast a ballot.  I will vote in an uncontested election for dog-catcher in honor of their sacrifice.  But this year………

Why, I ask myself, is the choice being offered to the American people so abysmal this year?  On one ticket, the choice so far is split between an unprincipled (“principle-less”) liar whose moral compass is fixed only on what is best for her, and a self-professed Socialist, whose platform is nothing more than “bread and circuses.”  They got rid of the only candidate I could have gladly voted for, Senator Jim Webb (with whom I served in Vietnam.)  I would have split my ticket for him—in a heartbeat.  He is the only candidate in either party who has moral courage and who saw fit to put himself … "between [our] loved home and the war's desolation!" 

In my own party, it now appears that a blow-hard game show host with no political experience whatsoever may be our candidate.  The only two possible counter-candidates at this point are Senators who have never worked anywhere other than in government.

Why are there no more Thomas Jeffersons, Andy Jacksons, Abe Lincolns, and Ike Eisenhowers?  I propose that there are two answers to that question.
 
First and foremost is the democratization of the nominating process.  The widespread change to binding primaries in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s have, generally speaking, been a disaster for our Country.  Just think of the candidates one party or another have been offered by use of the primary:  George McGovern, Jimmy Carter, Walter Mondale, Michael Dukakis, Al Gore, and John Kerry for the Democrats.  Only Bill Clinton was truly a sound candidate, although if Ross Perot had not run, it is clearly possible that George HW Bush might have won re-election in 1992. 

The Republicans have done a little better: Bob Dole and John McCain, but they were not the strongest, most electable candidates.  Only Ronald Reagan, one of the greatest Presidents in my lifetime (I was alive when Harry Truman was elected in 1948) and in our National history, came from a primary fight.  So, two Presidents, Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton are the only top tier Presidents (out of 44) to have come to the Presidency by way of the binding primary election process.

Think of the Presidents who have come from open conventions in the strong president eras:  Lincoln, TR, Wilson, FDR, Harry Truman, Ike, JFK.  Before that, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, and Jackson were chosen by people who were concerned with the political process or delegates to conventions, all of them people who were willing, in the favorite modern catch phrase so beloved of the Democrat Party, to “compromise.”   Eleven of 44, which is pretty good, when one considers the totality of American history.

The Democrats learned their lesson after the McGovern debacle and instituted the “super delegate” into their process.  Although it still allows for run-away “democracy” when a candidate garners enough votes from a few large states early in the process, the threat or ability of Party professionals to block a clearly incompetent candidate is usually there.  I say usually, because Senator Clinton is leading in delegates in part because she has garnered the support of almost all Democrat super delegates who have announced their preference.  The Republican Party also decided to use super delegates to a significantly lesser degree (not more than three per State or Commonwealth and pledged to the candidate who won their home vote). 

Does anyone think that an open primary would come close to nominating Donald Trump for President?  I pray not.  But the "people" have spoken!  To paraphrase, “presidential nominations are too important to be left to the masses.”  For the historically illiterate, that is the exact reason for the Founding Fathers’ creation of the Electoral College.

But there is also another reason that the current system is so fallible—the modern media.  Really qualified candidates, candidates who could become great presidents, are simply unwilling to submit themselves and their families to the predatory, Pulitzer Prize hunting, pursuit of every person with a cell-phone and a blog who thinks that he or she is the equal of William Allen White and Woodward and Bernstein, when they are really the direct descendants of William Randolph Hearst.  Couple that with our modern society’s lust for the vicious attacks that mark “reality TV,” and no reasonable person would be willing to run.  Yes, I know about “Ma, Ma, where’s my Pa?”  and “Continental liar from the State of Maine!”, but the 19th Century electorate were not bombarded with such tripe 24/7.

So…I hold out little hope for the next presidency.  Perhaps the Nation will learn from its necessary choice of the lesser of two evils in 2016 and opt for a return to the open convention. 

In the meantime, we can hope that the Bismarckian quip from the 19th Century still holds true: “God watches over drunkards, fools, and the United States of America.”


26 December 2015

LET'S PUT AMERICA FIRST

Holiday eves are a notorious time for politicians to make announcements they hope no one will notice.  On the evening before Christmas Eve, the Washington Post and Politico both reported that the Obama administration is finally going to deport some of the criminal aliens who, in less anxious times, it allowed to thumb their noses—or use another digit--to express their contempt for our laws.  This time, there will be no sorting and even families will be tossed back over the border where they belong.

The Politico story by Seung Min Kim is headlined “Liberals outraged by Obama’s deportation plan.”  Senator Clinton has “real concerns” about this plan, according to her spokesperson Xochitl Hinajosa, and Senator Sanders is “very disturbed.”  (I was ready to agree, but I think the spokesperson was characterizing the Senator’s reaction to the plan rather than commenting on him in general.)  Governor O’Malley called the policy “mindless.”  Really.  And he actually wants to be President of the United States.  Maybe he should run for President of Central America.

And, of course they are against it.  The “hate America first” crowd is always outraged or aghast or ashamed or concerned or disturbed or deeply disappointed when an administration puts the interests of our people and Nation first.  I know exactly what they mean by their outrage, and to them I say “So what?”

One would think that getting rid of people who have made it clear that they have nothing but contempt for American laws would be a good thing—and I suspect that most Americans do feel that way.  The Politico article also reports that the number of law-breaking foreigners and the number of foreign children trying to crash our borders has drastically increased over the same period a year ago.  Three times the number of families and twice the number of unaccompanied children tried to cross our southern border in October and November 2015 as in the same two months in 2014.  And the number of deportations this year is the lowest of any year in the Obama presidency.

Obviously the President has read the political winds and knows that he is viewed as an appeaser on this issue.  Senator Clinton has a checkered history on the issue of deportation—she was for it before she was against it—so anything to cool stories of Democrat love for foreign criminals over law-abiding American citizens will help her.

However, according to the Politico article “The news, arriving on the eve of the holidays, sparked concerns and outrage from Democrats and immigration advocates.”  Sure it did.  These are people whose primary concerns are not for the American people but for the needs, safety, and security of a bunch of people who have no right to be here in the first place and who actually cheat the people from their own countries who have played by the rules and legally applied to immigrate. 

The most telling comment from an “immigration advocate” came from Ali Noorani who is Executive Director of the National Immigration Forum.  He said, ““These are mostly women and children fleeing violence. Surely the Obama administration has a better Christmas in mind than the threat of deportation raids.  To punish these families for our lack of a functioning refugee program that meets the needs of Central America would be a moral tragedy.”

And there it is.  He wants our government to have a refugee program that meets the needs of Central America – not the needs of the United States, not the needs of the American people.

If the Democrats want to know why Trump has not disappeared, there is the answer:  at least he puts Americans first. 

24 December 2015

WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!!!!



Yes, fans,  

WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!!!!

Before we go to the entire Sappy Christmas Song of 2015, let’s recap the game.

It was looking like a repeat for the old pro, the Closer, that Galveston Bay Gal, our own QG, throwing scorching 100+ MPH fast balls.  But, sadly, she was disqualified on the best grounds of all:  Her final verses were declared to be “Non-Sappy!”  Yes, sports fans, it really is all about that Blaze of Glory—He of fire unquenchable and unending streams of life-giving water.  Nothing sappy about that!

So, QG gets the “Reason For The Season” Award, which ranks way above the Sappy Christmas Song Award; I checked and that’s where the awards go according to the ribbon chart in the PX uniform shop, right, RC?

Rookie of the Year goes to Robin; she also gets the “Dear Kitten” ribbon (shredded).  Ava’s assistant judges, Gideon, Uggie, Gracie, Jimmy, Jasper (Jazz) and Cleopatra were adamant in this regard.  Larry Bird and Beaulero were just content to grab a little more alfalfa and go with the flow.

Drum roll, please………..

This year’s winner of the Sappisimus Cum Louder Award is Reformed Catholic—for conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity, at the risk of life, limb, and Christmas dinner for including in his award-winning stanza a toss of the head to those who practice Rev Mrs RC’s noble profession.  Explain it to the Session, you must.

Finally, I claim the Tomorrow is a Better Day Certificate for showing up, playing my mandated one inning, and doing it all at the last minute!  I’ll start sooner next year, Lord willin’ and the cricks don’ rise.

Aaaaaaaand NOW!  The moment you've all been waiting for---The Sappiest Christmas Song of 2015.  Take it away, Arlo……

THE WORST NOEL
By a truly demented group I am proud to call friends!

The worst “No El” the announcer did say
Was to shoppers and tourists on Christmas Eve day.
On Christmas Eve day, their lists now complete.
As homeward they struggled, for cookies to eat.
"No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we’re running no El."

(Mac)

In a subway car stranded down in the ground
A motley group of people were found.
A lawyer, a soldier and a stock trader
With a preacher, a teacher and a young hooker.
"No El!, No El! No El! No El!"
Subways are closing, we're running no El."
(Jodi Harrington, aka, QG)

No cell phone service, the lawyer did cry,
The trader then fumed that no stocks he could buy.
They both commiserated each others position,
That neither could speak with their office's admin.
No El, No El, No El, No EL!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

The Preacher got up, who's with me he said,
I'm exiting the car, gotta get me a sled.
My daughter's expecting it under the tree,
so I'm leaving this place, come on, come with me.

No El, No El, No El, No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!
(Reformed Catholic)

The young hooker's name was Anna Marie
Her dress was so skimpy her tats you could see
She shivered in the cold which the soldier did see
And he gave her his scarf to cover her knees.
No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

" We must get out of here", they all agreed
The soldier kicked down the door so all were freed.
Finding the subway exit in the dark
Would certainly not be a lark.
No El! No El! No El ! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running no El!
(QG)

Down the street, in a house, the cats did not care.
Their antics had left the tree all but bare.
They decided to climb up the chimney with glee,
When they peered out the top, a strange crew they did see:
No El! No El! No El ! No El!
Subways are closing, they're running no El!
(Robin)

The lawyer did use his phone then that night,
the flashlight app did work and give them light.
They walked along the track, "will it end" someone wailed,
"It will end for you, stay away from the third rail".
No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

"Emergency Door", shown the light on the wall.
They opened the hatch to get out one and all.
On a street they did not know, but holiday lit,
With a bunch of little kitties, on a chimney they sit.
No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!
All the houses save one, had their holiday theme,
One was Santa's workshop, that one a Frozen meme.
Colored lights, candy canes, reindeer and a sleigh,
but not one had a stable where Jesus lay.
No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

As they walked along the lane, a wee house they did see,
Somewhat shabby and lost, not a light or a tree.
Yet a creche was setup, shepherds, camels and things,
but the manger was empty, someone took the young King!
No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!
(RC)

The light of the lawyer's phone led their searching
For the missing Baby, Jesus the King.
Anna Marie searched under a wreath
And found the Baby hidden underneath!
No El ! No El! No El!! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

As the darkness of night turned into daylight
Led by the preacher, awed by this sight,
Hand in hand, the group began to sing
And their happy chorus around the wee house did ring:
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
Our King has come, who needs an El?


(QC)

SAPPY CHRISTMAS SONG INTERLUDE: AN OLDIE BUT GOODIE WHILE IT'S IN THE HANDS OF THE JUDGES

Well, fans, that's a wrap.  As the judges deliberate, here's a little ditty, an oldie but goodie, that some will appreciate more than others.

Merry Christmas to the guys for whom Christmas Eve memories will always include An Hoa, and Go Noi Island, The Arizona and The Yellow Brick Road, Antenna Valley and Sherwood Forest.  Hat's off to those who were in Hue City, the A Shau Valley, Khe Sanh, Mutter's Ridge, and "The Hill of Angels"--Con Thien.  To our Doggie mates in Pleiku and the Central Highlands, The Parrots Beak and Ia Drang Valley.  Hey, shipmates who were Brown Water Grunts in the Delta or spent Christmas after Christmas on Yankee Station:  BZ, gents, BZ. And who could forget the guys who flew Linebacker I and II and Arc Light and The 12 Days of Christmas--and those who never lost faith in places like The Zoo and The Hanoi Hilton.  Merry Christmas, brothers.  Welcome Home.

Christmas Eve Sitrep
5th Marines TAOR

(Translations available upon request)

Oh, there's strange things done 'neath the Vietnam sun
But the one that really jacked my jaws
Was the night 'neath the moon, when the third platoon
Gunned down Ol’ Santa Claus.

We’re the Marines, winter nights we’ve seen,
From Wake to the frozen Chosin,
Our lines were tight, pre-planned fires were right
And ready to be called real close in.

We had 81s and naval guns.
60 mortars were ready to crack.
We had an Ontos or so, and an arty FO'
With H&Is back to back.

T’was a Silent Night, and nary a light
broke the Arizona’s black mantle,
Except for a flare, o’er Hill 200’s air—
Recon’s Christmas candle.

No Yuletide logs, in paddy bogs,
But the ceasefire was holding well.
‘Course after Tet, you could pretty well bet
Uncle Ho just might still raise some hell.

Then I froze where I stood, 'cause out of the wood,
Eight horses came charging along.
This may sound corny, but those mustangs looked horny,
“My God,” I thought, “cavalry Cong.”

They were coming our way pulling a . . . sleigh?
Damn, you never know what they will use.
Our LP’s twice clicked and our flares all were tripped,
And our claymores blew a fuse.

We let him get close, then I yelled, "Who goes?"
Like they do in the movie show.
The answer we got, believe it or not,
Was a hearty, "Ho, Ho, Ho".

Now these troops of mine had seen some time,
They'd done lots of things back-assward.
They may be thick, but I'll tell you a trick,
They knew that wasn't the password.

The "foo gas" roared, the 81s soared,
The ‘bloopers” sure raised hell.
A bright red flare flew through the air,
So we fired our FPL.

I'll give him guts, yep, that man was nuts,
Or I'm a no good liar,
But he dropped like a stone in our killing zone.
'Til I passed the word, "Cease fire".

I went out and took a real good look,
My memory started to race;
My mind plays games when it comes to names,
But I never forget a face.

He was dressed all in red, and he looked well fed,
Older than most I'd seen.
He looked right weird with that long white beard,
And stumps where his legs had been.

He hadn't quite died when I reached his side,
But the end was clearly in sight,
I knelt down low and he said real slow,
"Merry Christmas, and to all a good night."

So, I picked up the hook and with a voice that shook,
Said, "Gimme the six, rikki-tick."
"Skipper", I said, "Hang onto your head,
Well…we just sorta greased Saint Nick."

Now the Skipper's cool, he's nobody's fool,
Right off he knew the word.
If this got out, there'd be no doubt,
We’d have no “Freedom Bird.”

"Just get him up here and we'll play it by ear,
Make sure he's got a S-2 tag;
Bust up that the sleigh; drive those reindeer away,
And fer gosh sakes bury that bag."

Now back in the World, little kids are curled
in their beds awaiting first light.
Then their folks they’ll wake, and for the tree they’ll break
Expecting a glorious sight.

Instead, by and by, those kids will cry,
“Huh, nothing's under the tree!”
'Cause, the word just came back, from FMFPAC,
That Santa has gone VC.

Oh, there's strange things done 'neath the Vietnam sun
But the one that really jacked my jaws
Was the night 'neath the moon, when the third platoon
Gunned down Ol’ Santa Claus.

23 December 2015

SAPPY CHRISTMAS SONG: LAST CALL FOR CONTESTANTS

The latest iteration of the Sappy Christmas Song Contest.  It goes into the record books at Noon, EST on 24 December.  If you are from Chicago, follow Reformed Catholic's example:  Enter Early and Often!!


THE WORST NOEL
By a truly demented group I am proud to call friends!

The worst “No El” the announcer did say
Was to shoppers and tourists on Christmas Eve day.
On Christmas Eve day, their lists now complete.
As homeward they struggled, for cookies to eat.
"No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we’re running no El."

(Mac)

In a subway car stranded down in the ground
A motley group of people were found.
A lawyer, a soldier and a stock trader
With a preacher, a teacher and a young hooker.
"No El!, No El! No El! No El!"
Subways are closing, we're running no El."
(Jodi Harrington)

No cell phone service, the lawyer did cry,
The trader then fumed that no stocks he could buy.
They both commiserated each others position,
That neither could speak with their office's admin.
No El, No El, No El, No EL!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

The Preacher got up, who's with me he said,
I'm exiting the car, gotta get me a sled.
My daughter's expecting it under the tree,
so I'm leaving this place, come on, come with me.

No El, No El, No El, No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!
(Our first two-fer from Reformed Catholic)

The young hooker's name was Anna Marie
Her dress was so skimpy her tats you could see
She shivered in the cold which the soldier did see
And he gave her his scarf to cover her knees.
No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

" We must get out of here", they all agreed
The soldier kicked down the door so all were freed.
Finding the subway exit in the dark
Would certainly not be a lark.
No El! No El! No El ! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running no El!
(Another two-fer from QG for a hat trick!  And the crowd goes wild!)

Down the street, in a house, the cats did not care.
Their antics had left the tree all but bare.
They decided to climb up the chimney with glee,
When they peered out the top, a strange crew they did see:
No El! No El! No El ! No El!
Subways are closing, they're running no El!
(And Robin enters the fray—if my Sis is the judge, you’ve got the cat edge)

The lawyer did use his phone then that night,
the flashlight app did work and give them light.
They walked along the track, "will it end" someone wailed,
"It will end for you, stay away from the third rail".
No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

"Emergency Door", shown the light on the wall.
They opened the hatch to get out one and all.
On a street they did not know, but holiday lit,
With a bunch of little kitties, on a chimney they sit.
No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

                                           (Two more from Reformed Catholic)


20 December 2015

SAPPY CHRISTMAS SONG -- BREAKING NEWS

THE WORST NOEL
By a truly demented group I am proud to call friends!

The worst “No El” the announcer did say
Was to shoppers and tourists on Christmas Eve day.
On Christmas Eve day, their lists now complete.
As homeward they struggled, for cookies to eat.
"No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we’re running no El."

(Mac)

In a subway car stranded down in the ground
A motley group of people were found.
A lawyer, a soldier and a stock trader
With a preacher, a teacher and a young hooker.
"No El!, No El! No El! No El!"
Subways are closing, we're running no El."
(Jodi Harrington)

No cell phone service, the lawyer did cry,
The trader then fumed that no stocks he could buy.
They both commiserated each others position,
That neither could speak with their office's admin.
No El, No El, No El, No EL!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

The Preacher got up, who's with me he said,
I'm exiting the car, gotta get me a sled.
My daughter's expecting it under the tree,
so I'm leaving this place, come on, come with me.

No El, No El, No El, No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!
(Our first two-fer from Reformed Catholic)

The young hooker's name was Anna Marie
Her dress was so skimpy her tats you could see
She shivered in the cold which the soldier did see
And he gave her his scarf to cover her knees.
No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running No El!

" We must get out of here", they all agreed
The soldier kicked down the door so all were freed.
Finding the subway exit in the dark
Would certainly not be a lark.
No El! No El! No El ! No El!
Subways are closing, we're running no El!
(Another two-fer from QG for a hat trick!  And the crowd goes wild!)

Down the street, in a house, the cats did not care.
Their antics had left the tree all but bare.
They decided to climb up the chimney with glee,
When they peered out the top, a strange crew they did see:
No El! No El! No El ! No El!
Subways are closing, they're running no El!

(And Robin enters the fray—if my Sis is the judge, you’ve got the cat edge)

19 December 2015

THE GREAT SAPPY CHRISTMAS CAROL CONTEST OF 2015

About ten years ago, before that Mostest Excellentest Texas Blogger, Quotidian Grace (aka, Jody Harrington), took a sabbatical from blogging for Grandma duties (a wonderful example of priority-setting and moral stewardship), she sponsored a wonderful seasonal event on her blog: 

The Sappiest Christmas Song Contest.

As one who tied for second place in 2009 and received The Country Music Wannabe Award (“… to Mac, who managed to send in lyrics that mentioned killing pets, prison, Bubba, pardons, Momma and a train in the same stanza! We are not worthy of such talent.”), I miss that ancient and honorable tradition.  [NOTE TO LOVERS OF MOMMAS AND FUZZY CREATURES, in a tasteful pastel color: my lyrics were based on a theme from David Allen Coe’s classic “You Never Even Called Me By My Name”, recognized far and wide as the most perfect Country and Western song ever written.] 

But, I digress.  In the immortal words of Alvin, Simon and Theodore, themselves pretty good Christmas singers, “Let’s do it again!”
Here are QG’s original rules, slightly updated:

Welcome to QG's Fourth Annual Sappy Christmas Song Contest!

~applause applause~

The contest is inspired by the Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest and its motto:"where w.w.w. means wretched writers welcome!" 

Each year my Gentle Readers are invited to contribute their own deathless lyrics in a group effort to create the sappiest, most sentimental and generally execrable Christmas Song of the year.

Here are the rules of the contest:

·                  Mac will post his beginning stanza.   If your muse is with you, add a stanza or lines of your own in the comments.
·                  Mac will post updates as the 2015 Sappy Christmas Song evolves and you may continue adding verses in the comments.
·                  When, in the sole judgment of Mac, the Song seems complete, or I am tired of it, the entire song will be posted and prizes will be awarded. The prizes will be inspired by the contributions--so be creative!”

This year's Sappy Christmas Song will be sung to the tune of The First Noel.

And....HERE'S THE FIRST STANZA:

The worst “No El” the announcer did say
Was to shoppers and tourists on Christmas Eve day.
On Christmas Eve day, their lists now complete.
As homeward they struggled, for cookies to eat.
"No El! No El! No El! No El!
Subways are closing, we’re running no El."